Creative Memories? Come here, sit down. We need to talk. Look, you know I love you, right? I mean, we’ve had a ton of laughs and I’ll never forget some of the special moments we’ve shared (because some of them are carefully preserved in wonderful, quality scrapbook albums). We’ve been together almost 12 years now.
But I think it’s time we split up.
It’s not you, Creative Memories, it’s me. I just need something more in my life right now. No, wait, wait, not “more” – did I say “more”? Because I meant “different”. I just need something different in my life right now. That’s on me. You’re great, Creative Memories. You are.
What’s that? Is there someone else? Look do we really need to do this right here? Okay, okay, yes. Yes, there is someone else.
What do you mean, what does she have that you don’t have? Look, don’t do this. You’re better than this. What? Fine. Well she’s got a helluva daily buffet luncheon. So. There’s that.
I know, we’ve gone through some rough times. And we’ve always been there for each other. Right now I love what you’re doing with yourself with these innovative, incredible plans you’ve got in place. For real. You’re going to burst forth from this more beautiful than ever. You’re going to be fine. You are. I just can’t be there with you.
Huh? Well, she’s a little older than you. She turns 100 this summer. She looks great though. Lots of bricks and shrubberies and stuff.
And you should see her with the kids. She’s just amazing. What? No, not better with the kids than you, just different. You’re great with kids. What was it that noted child psychologist Dr. Kenneth Condrell said? “I think photos and scrapbooks might be a parent’s secret weapon. There are few tools out there that are more powerful or effective in helping to raise confident, happy, well-adjusted kids.”
That’s you, Creative Memories. That’s what you can do for my kids. And that’s awesome. But, uh, see, she has this thing she can do with providing free college tuition after I’ve been there two years (assuming the kids qualify academically and are accepted). And I think a small-college, liberal arts education is going to help them with confidence and happiness too.
Do you know her? Come on, I don’t want to get into this. Okay, okay. After 12 years, yes, you deserve that much. Yes, you do know her.
It’s The College of St. Benedict. I start with the Advancement Communications team right after Memorial Day.
Look, I think you’re one of the most amazing companies in the world and I hope we can still be close after this. In fact, maybe every once in awhile we can get together – freelance – and rekindle a little of that old magic, huh? What’dya think? Okay, too soon. You’re right. Let’s talk later though!
EDITOR’S NOTE: I really am going to miss Creative Memories. Don’t mistake anything I’ve written here for mean-spirited snarkiness. I’m just being a goof. Creative Memories has been great to me for nearly 12 years. But I’m EXTREMELY excited about the new challenge and opportunity in front of me. And I can’t wait to get on campus at CSB and get started! Wish me luck.